Johnson You IDIOT!
by Captain Alaska
Summary: It's a night of hard, intense racing during the second of two Budweiser Duels as drivers attempt to race their way into the Great American Race: The Daytona 500. Everything is calm and cool, that is until the last lap mayhem coming to the checkers. Who wrecks, who races their way in and who misses a shot at competing in the Super Bowl of Stock Car Races?


**JOHNSON YOU IDIOT!**

_Just a funny story I thought I would write down when I watched the second of two Budweiser Duels on Thursday at Daytona International Speedway and Jimmie Johnson wrecked about 80% of the field coming to the checkers._

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**(Date, Thursday February 20th, 2014)**

_"Alright coming to the white flag, they're single file behind ya but it looks like they're gonna go three-wide, just watch your back here Herschel,"_ Herschel Nougatson's spotter relayed to him. It was the second of two Duels that day. Two 150 mile heat races to race into the Great American Race, The DAYTONA 500. The Australian born driver was running in the fourth position, right behind the leaders, Rancis Fluggerbutter, Jeff Gordon and Vanellope von Schweetz. Right behind him was Jimmie Johnson, Swizzle Malarkey, Denny Hamlin, Gloyd Orangeboar and Jamie McMurray. Herschel saw that Vanellope ducked low to go with her boyfriend, Rancis, so he went high to go with his racing idol, Jeff Gordon. Behind the two groups of two, other drivers began splitting up to get to the front, for if they won this Duel, they would start 4th in the Daytona 500.

"Gonna follow Gordon. I'll see if I can get him a sixth Duel win!" Herschel radioed back to his spotter. The front pack of 10+ cars rocketed through turns one and two and down the backstretch.

_"Ease up just a bit Jeff, Nougtason in that 49 is trying to push ya," _Eddie D'Hont, Jeff Gordon's spotter relayed to the Four-Time Champ. Jeff's eyes danced around just as much as the cars did. Checking back and forth from the front to his mirror, Jeff was making sure that Herschel would stay square on his bumper.

"Got ya, thanks Eddie," Jeff radioed back. Up front on the bottom lane, Vanellope was glued to Rancis' back bumper, trying to stay perfectly still.

_"Keep doing what your doing Vanellope, you're doing great,"_ her spotter relayed.

_"You got your girlfriend pushing, hold your line, hold your line Rancis," _Rancis' spotter informed him. The #97 bright orange and brown Reeses' Chevrolet SS flew into turn three with the #92 white and blue Hostess Chevrolet SS pushing it. And on the high line, the dark maroon and silver #24 Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet was desperately trying to get a run coming out of turn four with the #49 dark blue, brown and white Oreo Chevrolett SS pushing it. Behind them however, the pack was playing catch up. Leading the pack on the outside was Jimmie Johnson in the white and blue Lowe's Chevrolet SS, and on the low line was Jamie McMurray in the red, yellow and black McDonalds Chevrolet SS.

"INTO TURN THREE, THINGS ARE GETTING DICY!" Larry McReynolds announced as the cars dance around on the track, looking for a way to get to the front. But, coming out of turn four, all HELL broke loose.

"OH TROUBLE!" Darrell Waltrip shouted. Jimmie Johnson had started to spin, and collected a whole bunch of cars. He and Swizzle were shot hard into the inside wall. Jamie McMurray spun to the inside and was smashed into by Michael Waltrip in the #66 Toyota. In the back however, Gloyd Orangeboar in the number 6 Snickers car slid across the nose of Adorabeezle Winterpop and went airborne!

"We have one car flipping in the air!" Larry Mac shouted. Gloyd's brown and orange car did a perfect barrel roll in the air and landed on all four tires before driving back to the pits. The carnage was just about over, but not until Martin Truex in the 78 Furniture Row Chevy SS slid through the grass and caught air with his car. He came to a stop and the front runners, and anybody in the back who missed it, parked on pit road as the wreckers came out and picked up the cars. Debris was everywhere, cars were on fire, parts and pieces clung to cars by a thread, and the fans were going fucking crazy.

_'Man, what a finish congrats boy!'_ Rancis' Crew chief, Harry Hogge, congratulated the winning driver. Rancis climbed from his car in victory lane as confetti and Pepsi rained down from the heavens. He stood on top of the door while fans and his crew cheered him on.

"Rancis Fluggerbutter, you've won your very first Daytona Duel and you'll start fourth in the Daytona 500, how are you feeling?" Wendy Venturini asked. Rancis wiped his face with a Daytona towel and breathed in the excitement.

"Oh man, that was an intense race, but I've got to thank Reese's, Hershey Motorsports, Valvoline, MOOG, Lincoln Welders, Tobikomi, and this crew," he gestured with his hand towards the pit crew, "these guys brought me a helluva Daytona car, and they performed the best pit stops of the night; I can't thank them enough," Rancis continued as Vanellope ambushed him and gave him a kiss on his lips. "And I can't thank my girlfriend enough for pushing me the whole race and especially on that last lap; I'm happy that she's gonna start right behind me in the 500," Ranics concluded.

"Rancis Fluggerbutter, enjoying his victory," Wendy concluded her broadcast.

"Bob Dillner here with second place finisher, Jeff Gordon. Jeff, what was that last lap like and was there anything you could have done?" Bob asked and stuck his microphone in Jeff's face. The four time champ took a swig of Pepsi and breathed in. The bright LED track lights bathed a white glow behind the driver.

"Whoo, man what an awesome race. This Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet was a rocket all night. It sucked up in the draft good and stuck in line perfectly. I think we may have something for the 500 come Sunday, and I can't thank Herschel Nougatson enough for that last lap push to get me in contention for the win. I think he may be a contender for that trophy come Sunday," Jeff concluded with a smile. Suddenly, the crowd roared to life as Swizzle's pit crew and Jimmie Johnson's pit crew started fighting.

"PIT FIGHT!" DW announced. Punches were thrown, bodies were slammed into tool boxes and on the ground, and shouts invaded the air waves. NASCAR officials soon quelled the fight and got all the pit members detained. Herschel, Vanellope and Rancis all high-tailed it over to the garage area and found Swizzle with a blackened eye and a bloody nose which his girlfriend, Jubileena Bing-Bing was trying to nurse.

"How many times do I have to tell you Swizzy?" Jubileena scolded him and put an ice pack over his eye, "fighting an idiot like that is not worth it!" she finished.

"What in the hell happened here mates?" Herschel questioned. Swizzle huffed and growled a little.

"That _idiot_ Johnson ran out of gas and just decided to STOP in the middle of the track!" He growled.

"Hey, I ran out of gas, it could happen to anyone NO-TIME!" Johnson insulted Swizzle from across the garage.

"A SMART PERSON WOULD PULL OUT OF LINE IF THEY RAN OUT OF GAS YOU IDIOT!" Swizzle shouted back. Herschel, Vanellope and Rancis all turned their gaze to the jumbo-tron which was showing a replay of the wreck. Johnson stuck his hand out the window, indicating he _was _out of gas, but just waited for Swizzle's car to hit his.

"Yeah Johnson, you're an idiot bro," Herschel flipped him off. Swizzle huffed again.

"It's a damn good thing I clocked in fourth in time trials, or else I would miss the 500," he grumbled, "but this guy gets off scot free because of his FAKE championships!" Swizzle shouted and threw his helmet at Johnson, hitting him in the head.

"OW! I'M TELLING BRIAN FRANCE!" He cried and ran away to tell the CEO of NASCAR. Vanellope put a hand on her friend's shoulder and smirked.

"Don't worry Swizzle, we'll take care of him come Sunday," she winked. Swizzle looked around to see his three closest friends nodding and smirking.

"WHOO THAT WAS THE GREATEST RIDE OF MY LIFE!" Gloyd shouted enthusiastically after getting interviewed.

**The End.**

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So yeah, just a fun little piece I wanted to write. Johnson got fifth in the 500 :(. BUT, JEFF GORDON GOT FOURTH! Anyways, stay fast my friends.


End file.
